Alice in Oz!
by Somewhere Nowhere
Summary: Alice begins to tell the twins a bedtime story, when she suddenly realizes she's not in Wonderland anymore!
1. Chapter 1

**The rating is for language, violence, character death, and sexual harassment (Ace and the Jokers are in the story duh!). If you don't like it don't read it.**

"Sis tell us a story!" Alice flushed as the twins snuggled up to her, one on each side. "Alright…" She jumped as a hand grabbed her shoulder from behind. "Sorry Alice!" Elliot blushed and shifted uncomfortably. "It's ok," Alice said, gently patting the hare's hand. "Would you like to hear the story too?" The second in command of the infamous Hatter Mafia nodded and curled up at Alice's feet, laying his head on her lap like a child. A dignified scoff announced Blood's presence as he too entered the room. Gripping his twelfth cup of tea for the day, he settled in a plushy armchair and tried to look disinterested as Alice bit her lip and began… "Once upon a time…"

"Huh? Where am I?" Alice looked around in surprise. Well this wasn't Wonderland…was it? She stared at the bleak, empty plain. Nothing but a small, wooden house and a large barn. The sound of chickens and pigs reached her ears. "Strange," she muttered to herself, walking over to explore the farm. "Alice, come give your Aunt Vivi a hand please!" Startled she looked towards the voice and saw Vivaldi of all people, wearing an old fashioned homespun dress with a handkerchief covering her curly hair. Alice raised an eyebrow. This was definitely a dream. "Yes, Vi..Aunt Vivi?" She asked curiously. "Take this lunch basket to your uncle please, and hurry it's well past noon," Vivaldi ordered primly. Alice nodded and accepted the basket, smiling a little at her "aunt." As Vivaldi closed the door, a small cat padded up and began to twine itself around Alice's legs. "Boris?" She asked curiously, noting the magenta fur and deep golden eyes. The cat mewed in agreement and started off towards the barn, looking back to see if the girl followed. Sighing, she decided to trust Boris' lead (he wasn't Ace after all!). She followed him to the other side of the barn where, to her surprise, the King of Hearts was hauling bales of hay in worn, baggy overalls. Alice nearly dropped the basket. "Ah, Alice! You've brought lunch." Dropping the hay, the king let out a relieved sigh and eagerly accepted the basket. "Would you like some?" He offered, beginning to unpack the basket. "No thank you," Alice declined politely and turned back to the house.

An hour later, Vivaldi and Alice sat in the kitchen shucking corn. "The Perkins' have the cutest new baby, we really should go visit.." Vivaldi was gushing when the kitchen door slammed open. "This!" A sharp male voice boomed as something fuzzy and magenta streaked under the table. "This little miscreant has ruined my roses!" Alice looked up in shock as Blood ranted on about the damage to his garden and the inside of his greenhouse. She stared at the man who was currently in plain black trousers and a white dress shirt, his customary top hat missing. "And if that damn creature steps foot on my property again, he'll be so full of bullet holes you wont have enough of him to scrape off the ground!" With that, the fuming Mafioso stormed out of the house. "Oh Boris," Alice sighed (secretly she was suppressing her glee at Blood's obvious displeasure) she pulled the cat onto her lap, smiling slightly at his self-satisfied look. "Come on, lets go for a walk."

The road was dusty and bumpy. Alice had to watch carefully for potholes as she walked, certain she'd end up twisting her ankle. She and Boris ambled along, not really minding how far they were going and oblivious to the menacing clouds that had begun to gather above them. _This has to be because of the story I told Dee and Dum, _she thought. Suddenly, she froze. _Oh no. _She looked up at the sky and gasped. "Boris we need to get back quickly!"

Alice scooped the cat up and ran, keeping an eye on the dark clouds above. Her hair whipped around her face and she stumbled as the wind picked up. Fighting to keep her balance, she finally caught sight of the farm and picked up her pace. "Almost there," she muttered. By this time an obvious black funnel had formed, crashing into the ground and moving directly towards the farm at a terrifying speed. "No, no, no," Alice chanted, looking around the deserted farm frantically. "Vivaldi! Your Majesty!" She called desperately. Getting no answer and aware of the approaching tornado, she jerked open the front door and raced into the house. "Under a doorway, away from windows…" she tried to remember everything she had ever heard about being in a tornado. Not much considering she'd never heard of one happening anywhere near where she lived. Hugging Boris tightly, she sat down in the doorway of a small bedroom and gripped the doorframe with her free hand. The storm raged closer, shutters banging and glass shattering. Closing her eyes, Alice huddled on the floor and waited for it to end.

A rough tongue was licking her cheek. Alice moaned and slowly opened her eyes, her head hurting. "Huh?" She blinked in surprise as Boris (no longer simply a cat), brushed a hand over her forehead and licked her cheek again. "Boris!" She sat up quickly and leaned away, a blush flooding her cheeks. Boris grinned and licked his lips. "Sorry Alice, I was just cleaning the cut on your head." Blinking, she reached a trembling hand up to her hairline. A small cut stung at the touch and she winced, feeling a trickle of blood dripping down and over her cheek. "Man I just cleaned that," Boris smirked, not sounding upset in the least at the prospect of doing it again. Alice tensed as the cut started to throb, hurting now that she knew it was there. Boris's smirk dropped and he leaned forward in concern, putting a warm hand on hers. "Um let me just bandage it," he murmured and smiled in apology.

Alice (now thoroughly bandaged) and Boris stepped cautiously out of the house, looking around in awe at the sudden change of scenery. "Um Boris I don't think we're in Kansas anymore," Alice murmured, chuckling at the confused look on his face. A gurgling cough sounded behind them and they turned to see Peter's shoes sticking out from under the house. Alice gasped and her hands flew to her mouth as her stomach churned. "Hey," she turned around slowly, eyes widening. "G-Gowland?" The redheaded amusement park owner looked confused for a second then smiled. "Oh you've heard of me!" He grinned. "We should celebrate your arrival in Oz, after all you did just defeat the Wicked Witch of the East!" He gently grabbed her hand and kissed it, smiling happily at her. "So what's your name?" Alice resisted the urge to wipe her hand on her dress and returned the smile. "I'm Alice." Gowland smiled and bowed. "As you probably already know, I'm.." He was interrupted by a dark chuckle from behind him. "Ah Mary, you still aren't wearing the dress I sent you." A gloved hand roughly grabbed Alice's chin, forcing her to look up at Blood Dupre for the second time that day. "And who's this?"

**Yeah, I don't own Wizard of Oz or HNKNA or anything awesome like that *frowns* wish I did. Anywho, please review and let me know what you think. You'll be meeting the tin man, the scare crow, and the lion in the nxt ch. Any guesses?**

**Oh and if you haven't figured out who's who so far:**

**Alice-Dorthy**

**Boris-Toto**

**Vivaldi-Aunt Em**

**King-Uncle Henry**

**Blood-Neighbor/Wicked B…ahm…Witch of the West**

**Peter-Wicked Witch of the East (I killed him off early 'cause I wasn't sure what to do with him)**

**Gowland-Mary the Good Fairy of the North! (actually good witch of the north but that was more fun)**


	2. Chapter 2

Previously: 

_Alice (now thoroughly bandaged) and Boris stepped cautiously out of the house, looking around in awe at the sudden change of scenery. "Um Boris I don't think we're in Kansas anymore," Alice murmured, chuckling at the confused look on his face. A gurgling cough sounded behind them and they turned to see Peter's shoes sticking out from under the house. Alice gasped and her hands flew to her mouth as her stomach churned. "Hey," she turned around slowly, eyes widening. "G-Gowland?" The redheaded amusement park owner looked confused for a second then smiled. "Oh you've heard of me!" He grinned. "We should celebrate your arrival in Oz, after all you did just defeat the Wicked Witch of the East!" He gently grabbed her hand and kissed it, smiling happily at her. "So what's your name?" Alice resisted the urge to wipe her hand on her dress and returned the smile. "I'm Alice." Gowland smiled and bowed. "As you probably already know, I'm.." He was interrupted by a dark chuckle from behind him. "Ah Mary, you still aren't wearing the dress I sent you." A gloved hand roughly grabbed Alice's chin, forcing her to look up at Blood Dupre for the second time that day. "And who's this?"_

Gowland flushed angrily, his mouth opening and closing soundlessly as he stared at Blood. Alice pulled away from the Mafioso with a glare. "How rude young lady. You're supposed to answer when a gentleman asks your name." Alice felt Boris wrap an arm around her waist. "Alice," she replied, resisting the urge to stick her tongue out. Blood smiled. "Would you happen to be the young lady that squished my counterpart with your home?" He was still smiling but his eyes were sharp and icy. He took a step towards her but stopped as Gowland finally got himself together and pulled his gun on Blood. "You…you," He blustered, his face redder than his hair, "you TOLD her!" Suddenly Alice found herself pushed to the ground as bullets cut through the air around her. Gowland was shooting wildly as Blood laughed. "Is that the best you can do Mary?" _Okay Wonderland or not these guys are totally the same, _Alice thought to herself. Boris was giggling softly next to her and she glanced at him. "Mary-go-round, Mary-go-round…" Alice held back a giggle of her own. Suddenly a mob of short, faceless people appeared, dressed in bright, gaudy yellow clothes. Blood snorted and shot the ones closest to him. "Well Mary, I'd like to stay but I'm missing tea time. Do _dress _appropriately next time I see you." With that he dissolved into a cloud of black smoke.

"I hate that bastard!" Gowland growled as he glared at the spot Blood had just disappeared from. He turned and spotted Alice and Boris. "Oh right, sorry…" He reached down and pulled her to her feet. Alice brushed off her dress and straightened her apron. "Who was that guy?" Boris asked from behind her. Gowland sighed. "He's the Mad Hatter of the West. He's connected with the mafia here, and he has a fetish for black tea."

_Okay. _Alice exchanged a look with Boris and glanced around at the faceless still standing there. "Who are they?" She asked. Gowland smiled. "They're the munchkins of course!" He looked at her oddly. "They were ruled by that other guy you squished with your house." He gestured at Peter. "Course they weren't very happy so you shouldn't feel bad or anything." Alice bit her lip and nodded. As much as she didn't like Peter she didn't want him dead. _Well this isn't really real anyway. Right? _She looked back at Gowland. "So could you tell us how to get home?" Gowland nodded. "Of course!" He walked over to Peter and tugged on the rabbit's shiny black shoes. Once they were off, he turned and offered them to Alice. "Here you go. Put these on then follow this yellow brick road 'til you get to Clover City. Once you get there go see the wizard called Oz. He'll help you get back." Alice took the shoes and put them on. "Uh, Gowland? They don't really fit." He frowned. "Huh." Walking back over to Peter he glanced around for something else to use. Finally he found the rabbit's white gloves laying a few feet away. "Here!" He handed them to Alice. They were still big but not as bad as the shoes. "Now just stay on the yellow brick road and watch out for that damn hatter!" With that Gowland disappeared much like Blood (except in a cloud of glitter instead of smoke). Boris grinned and tugged her towards the shiny yellow stones. "Let's go Alice!"

Her feet hurt. How much longer was this dream going to take? Alice sighed and kept walking, trying to keep up with Boris. " If I only had a brain…" Alice jumped. That sounded familiar. "Ohh if I only had a brain…" Yep she definitely knew that voice. "What is that?" Boris whispered, his handgun already out. Alice grabbed his wrist and tugged him towards the sound. "Elliot!" The hare looked over from where he was tied to a post. "A scarecrow?" Boris asked. Alice nodded and ran over to untie her friend. "Elliot are you okay?" He nodded and she clenched her hands to keep from grabbing his ears. _Sooo fuzzy! _Elliot looked down at her curiously. "Do I know you?" Alice paused. "Um..sorta. Lets just get you down from here." Between her and Boris, Elliot was quickly freed from the post and he looked around happily. "It's nice being able to move around!" His face turned sad a moment, then brightened. "So where're you headed?"

After explaining their journey to see the wizard, Elliot grabbed Alice's hand excitedly. "Can I come? Please?" Alice nodded, already knowing the scarecrow tagged along in the story and smiled at the hare. "Lets go!" The trio began back down the road.


	3. Chapter 3

Previously: 

_After explaining their journey to see the wizard, Elliot grabbed Alice's hand excitedly. "Can I come? Please?" Alice nodded, already knowing the scarecrow tagged along in the story and smiled at the hare. "Lets go!" The trio began back down the road._

"Growlll.." Alice blushed as her stomach rumbled. _Should I be getting hungry in a dream? _Boris and Elliot looked at her. "Uh maybe we should find something to eat." Staying close to the road, they began inspecting the trees and bushes. "Apples!" Alice bent down and began picking them up, stopping when her hand hit something hard. "What…" She looked up to see a large figure towering over her. "Ahhh!" Boris and Elliot ran over. "Alice what's..?" Boris trailed off as he looked at the man next to her. "A tin man?" Alice breathed. Standing she took a closer look. "Ace!" The creepy knight smiled down at her, his features frozen, his skin an unusual silvery color. "Ace?" She said again. The normally bouncy brunette didn't even twitch. Frowning, Alice thought back to the actual Wizard of Oz story. Dorthy found the tin man then…Aha! Peering around she spotted an oil can on a nearby stump. Briefly wondering whether or not Ace being able to move was a good thing, she grabbed it and began pouring it over him. "Hah…much better! And you're pretty too!" Ace grinned at her and flexed his fingers. "I got lost, then it started raining. I've been stuck here forever." Grabbing hold of her arms, Ace pulled her closer and wrapped Alice in a tight hug. "Uh..A-ace. I can't really…breathe." The knight didn't move, a strange expression on his face as he pressed his ear to her chest. "That sound. What is it? It's nice…" His grip relaxed a little and he smiled. "What is it?" Alice dropped her hands from where they had been pushing on his shoulders. "That's my heart," she said softly. _Ace really does like it. _Suddenly Ace laughed and let go. Alice turned to find Elliot pointing his gun at Ace. _Not again. _This same scene had played out nearly a week ago in wonderland. Visiting Hatter Mansion, Ace grabbing her, Elliot almost killing them both trying to shoot Ace, and then Blood breaking it up. "Elliot it's fine. Put that away please." Boris snickered looking amused and picked up the apples she had dropped and forgotten. Alice sighed. "It's getting late. Let's make camp."

_Where did he get that tent from? _Alice stared at the tin knight, not really knowing if she wanted to know the answer or not. _Why did he have one anyway? _She mentally shrugged and scooted closer to the fire, enjoying the warmth. Boris was curled up next to her half asleep, with his tail curled around one of her ankles. Elliot was on the other side of the fire pouting over the fact that they hadn't found any carrots in their search for food. Ace was sitting on her other side, staring at the fire and smiling. He had been humming the same song for the past half hour. "Ace? Do you think you could stop humming? Or pick another tune?" The knight grinned. "I like this song. I'd stop though maybe, if Alice would let me listen to her heart again." Elliot immediately protested and Boris gave Ace a sleepy glare. Alice flushed. _I don't want him hugging me again, but can I really listen to him humming any longer? _She sighed and looked over at his hopeful expression. "Just for a minute." The deep red eyes lit up and Ace leaned forward eagerly. More gently than she expected, he wrapped his arms around her and pressed his face to her chest. After a moment, he closed his eyes and sighed. "I want this," he said softly. His unexpected seriousness shocked her. "A heart?" She asked. She felt him nod against her chest. "Well you can go see the Wizard of Oz. He's gonna send Alice and Boris home. He can probably give you a heart." Elliot looked hopeful, "and I'm going to ask if he can give me a brain." Alice smiled, glancing at his ears. _Oooh I wanna touch them! _The firelight made them look extra soft. Tearing her eyes away she yawned. "I think we should get some rest." Prying Ace away from her (he pouted the whole time), she stretched and walked towards the tent. The guys followed and surprisingly they all fit. She found herself snuggled warmly between Elliot and Boris. A light blush crept up her face, but she ignored it and closed her eyes. _Hopefully when I wake up I'll be back in Wonderland in my room at Hatter Mansion. _

Weak sunlight filtered through the thin canvas of the tent. _Ugh. Either Ace kidnapped me or I'm still in that story. _Alice groaned and felt something heavy pressing her to the ground. Looking at her chest she was only half surprised to see a messy head of brown hair. What did surprise her was the magenta and orange heads laying on her arms. _No wonder I can't feel my fingers. I wonder how long they've been using me as a pillow? _Sighing she tried to wiggle out from under the three role holders. _They're heavy! _"Ace, Boris, Elliot wake up!" Boris stirred and Elliot sleepily nuzzled her arm. Ace was oblivious. As usual. Taking a deep breath, she upped the volume. "Wake up!" This time Boris jumped, his eyes flying open. Elliot cringed and grabbed at his ears. Ace cracked one eye open and smiled. "Uh could you guys get off me now?" Boris and Elliot both sat up immediately, blushing and murmuring apologies. Ace stayed where he was, snaking both arms around her and rubbing his cheek against her chest. Cheeks flaming Alice squirmed. "Pervert!"

One black eye and shot up tent later, they were back on the road. A large forest loomed up ahead and Alice eyed it thoughtfully. _I think the lion comes in somewhere here. _Thinking to herself and wondering (half dreading) who the next role holder would be, Alice allowed Boris to tug her into the dark trees. _It reminds me of Joker forest, _she thought as they passed brightly colored mushrooms and arrow signs placed haphazardly on the trees. "Lions and tigers and bears oh my!" She caught her self whispering. Ace heard her and laughed. "Lions and tigers and bears oh my!" He mimicked, with a silly grin. Soon the other two joined in and the woods were echoing with their voices. "Lions and tigers and bears oh my!" Suddenly something rustled nearby. "What's that?" Elliot asked softly. He and Boris drew their guns. Ace smirked, his ruby eyes glittering with a scary excitement. The sounds drew closer. Closer. "Ahhhh!"


End file.
